not renewing my lease

June 30th, 2013

I’ve decided to give up F2ph.com..I have too many sites to manage and this is just one more that shows neglect… I don’t see a reason to pay another $15 per year when I’m updating only a few times a year.
keep in mind– i’m not giving up a healthy lifestyle..that’s mine 4ev! just this site. So… thank you all for your love. see you around the web


July 7th, 2012

I’ve missed art, A lot. I feel like I’ve been putting it off saying oh well I can start Monday.. like a diet & exercise plan that never comes, I was always waiting for something.

Waiting for what? for life to be perfect? To magically find time? This is just another form of procrastination and I’m so tired of procrastination.  It’s not going to get easier, much like exercising I just need to do it. So I am! I am starting a photography venture as well as making an encaustic art tribute to my dad.  I am so excited, I’ll share more of the encaustic as well as my web page for my new venture next time.. but for now I just wanted to share a couple of photos from a recent shoot that I am in love with… there will be more on my site and I intend on posting more pictures here simply because I love it.





Until next time.. peace & love ~Jess

It’s about living

June 7th, 2012

I don’t really know what to title this blog, I’m hoping that a title will come to me as I type.

I here these two comments a lot in Weight Watcher meetings.  1. I’m not doing this for vanity, I’m doing it for my health. 2. I struggle with eating well because I have junk food around the house for my loved ones.

I don’t understand the messed up logic.

First and foremost let me just scream from the rafters for you.. WOO HOO! You’re losing weight to be healthy.. You get it.. You freakin ROCK!! While yes I’m sure that a lot of those ladies and Gents would also love to look hot naked (uh who wouldn’t??), the fact that they are acknowledging that they need to get healthy means that they understand the bigger picture… it’s about living people!

But then something is just messed up because  you are serving your loved ones junk food? I don’t get it.

Ok so the logic is that they maybe don’t need to lose weight.  Agreed, not everyone needs to lose weight.. but  remember this isn’t really about losing weight, it’s about being healthy. Don’t you want the people you love to be healthy so they can be with you for a long long time? Don’t you want to encourage your children, grandchildren, husbands, significant others.. or even your favorite house guest to have healthy eating and exercise habits?  Don’t they deserve to be healthy just like you?

Right about now you’re probably cursing me and telling me to get off my high horse that it’s simply not that black and white. I’m not saying that you can’t ever offer those you love a snickers bar, I’m just saying there are other healthy options out there and you need to set an example.

You might say but kids won’t eat healthy. There is some truth to that but you would be surprised what you can get a kid to eat (and love) without their knowledge. It’s all about the smoke and mirrors baby!

A case in  point for you…. I recently attended an 11 year old birthday party and I wanted to bring something that would be eaten (and loved) but not so terribly bad for you. So I made from scratch Black Bean Brownies.  Whole wheat flour, egg-less, oil-less , but nevertheless delicious! I took  what equaled about 50 brownies that were full of fiber, protein, and healthy grains (a little too much white sugar, but you can’t have everything) and I am here to tell you that I came home with an empty brownie container!  Did I tell the kids they were good for you– uh NO!  I told the kids I brought brownies and they loved them!

So yeah I’m a little on a high horse I suppose, but what I’m trying to tell you is that with a little extra care you can show your family and friends that you love them without feeding them junk.. it’s a win win baby!


until next time… Peace & Love ~Jess

ready to be done

April 26th, 2012

I’m so ready for this school thing to be over, I am completely checked out.

I know I need to be present, and I should be enjoying this.. but I’m not.

With Dad passing away and Mom having been sick and just the bull crap.. I’m over it.


Last nigh for the first time I thought about something Dad would think was hilarious.. I don’t even remember what it was… but I picked up the phone to call him and then remembered I couldn’t. So I cried instead and then I posted an awesome picture of him when he was just a little boy to Facebook.  I love this picture.. 

So I’m trying to keep busy and get through this school thing.. then I have to decide if I want to try to get my old job back, since they are hiring.. or if I want to roll the dice and take my chances with the teaching thing when I know this industry is down. I can’t decide… on one hand.. it would be great to be making money (and have benefits) again.. like right away,  not to mention I know the job and I know (and like) the people.  On the other hand.. it feels like it’s going backwards. Plus you tend to get complacent (and therefor lazy) in a job.. so you don’t look as hard.

time will tell..


until next time.. Peace and love


The blog post I never wanted to write

April 16th, 2012

It’s so painful that I don’t know where to begin or frankly if I have the words to convey the pain, sorrow, and.. oh the words don’t come.

Dad died Wednesday afternoon.

I want to say something that can tell  you how much he meant to me and how I will miss him forever. I want to say something that can make you feel like you missed out by not knowing my amazing father.

The words I have are insufficient.


So I’ll just say that I love you dad.. now and always.


Another update on the Rose

January 31st, 2012

Jake passed away  early Friday morning. We all knew that his time here would be ending soon and we’re all happy(poor word choice)  that he is not suffering and can finally be at peace.  But we’re sad for those he has left behind.  Never being a mother, I can’t imagine how the Rose’s sister must feel… or how she will ever fix the gaping whole in her heart.

I hope that with his passing she and the rest of the family can finally mourn, grieve, and heal.

please pray for Jake’s mom and the rest of the family. God grant them peace.


~ Jess


An update on the Rose

January 20th, 2012

I came back from a day off yesterday to a CaringBridge update and another talk with the Rose.  things are not looking good for her sweet nephew. ..

They have stopped treatments and he has not been eating.  Jake is on morphine to ease the pain and is able to rest comfortably. Between the morphine and the cancer, Jake is asleep 20+ hrs a  day.

Hospice care thinks he has another couple of weeks left at best.

Frankly I’m at a cross roads. I don’t want Jake to suffer and he’s not living any kind of life that I would wish on my worst enemy. I want his suffering to be over. I would prefer for everyone’s sake that his suffering ends with winning the fight against cancer!  I don’t want to count the kid out but he’s having a hard time right now.

Please continue to pray for Jake and his wonderful family.. to help them get through this dark and painful part of their lives. Give them strength and love to see them through.

~Peace & Love


The Rose’s Nephew

January 17th, 2012

I know I just posted, but I have something to get off my heart.  I was talking to the Rose this morning… sometimes I try not to ask her about her nephew because I know she’ll be upset.. not with me, just heart broken over his situation, but we fell naturally into it this morning.

I should back up. I met the Rose the day I started my current job. She & I started the same day.   THE Rose as Rob & I like to call her is a sweet lady. While she says she’s 27, with children in their 30′s I’m pretty sure that’s not possible .. but who am I to make such judgements :)

She was laid off of her job of 27 years (she must have been born there!)  and had to start fresh at TE.  The Rose had to overcome her own fears of inadequacy as well as fighting countless numbers of people who were unnecessarily mean to her every day, acting as though she didn’t belong (she did obviously belong)

Once the negativity lessened, the Rose began to thrive and her confidence built. She is a force to be reckoned with.. let me tell ya!

The Rose & I sat side by side for 2 years of my employment.. early on, we shared the same desk as we waited for permanent placement. I first learned, right along with the Rose that her 15 year old nephew  had been diagnosed with a rare cancer early in our time together. She wept openly and I would always try to console her- failing miserably because there is no consolation for that type of pain.

After his first year of hell, the Rose’s nephew was in  remission and life was wonderful. We praised God for giving him the strength and healing that he so desperately needed.

It was a short lived celebration.

Within months his cancer was back and more aggressive.  We are going into year 3 of his cancer treatment. Every time they get rid of one tumor it would seem that several more pop up in a new location. He has gone through surgeries, been in and out of the hospital. Stuck in ICU for fluid building up around his lungs.. then another trip back for fluid building up around his heart.

Essentially his entire high school career has been spent fighting cancer. The Rose’s nephew is a senior now, and will walk with his class in May! However, he’s in pain and they are at the end of their treatment options. He has not given up and though I’ve never met him. I know from the stories I’ve heard, his sense of humor and determination are unwavering.

I hate this! Stupid cancer.  It’s bad enough you are trying to steal this wonderful young man away from his family. It’s an atrocity that you are hell bent on torturing him and his family while you do it.

I want so badly to help.. to ease their suffering, but I know there’s nothing I can do other than to pray… and ask for help.

So I’m putting this out there for the universe.. we need healing and we need it immediately (sooner really)! While I know your prayer list may be long, please keep the Rose’s nephew and his family in your prayers.

~peace & love


fyi.. since I am not a family member & didn’t ask permission to post the message that was on my heart, I didn’t feel right about giving out the names of the family… God will know who you mean to pray for :)



Are you excited?

January 17th, 2012

I am getting that question a lot lately with my  departure date nearing.  I know the answer they are expecting is yes… but they aren’t seeing the big picture.

I’m quitting my paying  job to PAY SEVERAL THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS to go work harder than I ever have for FREE for the next 16 weeks.. with NO PROMISE of employment at the end of that time.. and did I mention the overwhelming student loan that will be looming overhead.. and that as a household of 1..there will be zero income entering my household?  Yeah.. it’s like that

Excited isn’t the proper adjective. I am  scared.. nervous…petrified.. and maybe a little crazy :) But yes I’m also a teeny bit excited. I am READY to try something new. I’m READY to be done with this Master’s program.. and I’m READY to start my career as a elementary school teacher .. I’m ready to put all the theory I’ve learned into practice and see what works for me  in my classroom with my students.

No guts, no glory right?


~peace & love


Sore Legs

January 15th, 2012

As we talked about in the last blog, I did a Master the Met practice climb last Saturday.  It took my legs a full week to recover from climbing 24 flights and so I’ve been afraid to practice again.  Today I went to Queeny Tower and climbed 21 flights. My legs feel fantastic! I felt like I could go another 21.  So what’s the difference?

Well last week was my first real training day, soreness is natural.  This week I stopped and stretched after every few flights and after.. whereas last week, I only stretched slightly after.  STRETCHING MATTERS! Finally last week I did not have any water with me or any way to get it, this week I had a 16oz bottle and drank from it often.  Keeping hydrated also matters.

I didn’t feel like I was going to vomit 1/2 way through like I did last time. I also beat my time by 20 minutes.

Last week I also went to Bollywood Shuffle,  Zumba, and walked the treadmill at lunch.

I tracked my food, and stayed in control.

It payed off! I had a weight loss of 3.6lbs this week, getting me down to 263lbs.  :)

It amazes me that while I was so hesitant to do the stairs today, I feel so good after. I feel proud of my accomplishment and I have tons of energy. My body is practically vibrating with energy. Note to self, don’t let fear stand in the way of your dreams.

~peace & love