September 9th, 2012
There’s no easy way to put this.. so I’ll just blurt it out.. my ex-sister-in-law tried to kill herself today by taking an unknown amount of pills. She’s in the hospital recovering. Thank God her current Boyfriend got the kids out of the house before she could traumatize them. I’m so sad and angry at this .. I don’t really know how to process the information.
She had texted me on Friday to see if I wanted to go to the movies with her and my niece which I didn’t see until today.. then I missed 3 calls from her today all within seconds apart.. no message. I feel guilty.. like maybe I could have done/said something to help her.. but damn it.. it’s not my job to keep you alive. This is just like in high school when I would have to wrestle razor blades away from a friend when her newest boyfriend broke up with her (and the breakups happened often)
OK so all of my no readers (mainly because I don’t blog regularly.. I know) I feel like you need some back story….
My bro and SIL were married for about 8-9 years. She was strong, capable and clearly wore the pants… but there was always something off. When she was good .. she was good.. when she was having a bad moment.. no one could do anything right. Like the time their “whole vacation was ruined because my brother forgot to pack the Sunny D” or she was furious with me because one time I sat in “her” chair at the dinner table which was completely disrespectful. Even though she had these bad moments, we would still hang out because she’s a good person and I liked her. For the record I still do like her.
A year or so before she and my brother split, things were getting worse. She was tired of always being responsible for everyone and everything. She started staying out drinking and partying. Then she cheated on my brother and that was the end of their marriage. It’s clear that they both still love each other, but have fucked each other over so much now that neither one can forgive the other. (excuse my language)
After the split I still tried to hang with her, but I pulled away. Not out of loyalty to my brother– he had no problem with me being her friend– but because I could not watch her self destruct night after night. As far as I’m concerned, if you have to get wasted to have a good time, then there is something clearly wrong in your life and I don’t want to see you hurt yourself.
I do still love and care for her. Mom, SIL, Niece and I all went out recently to a local festival and had a great time. I loved chatting with her and I do want to spend time with all of them again. I just can’t be party to self destruction.
I understand frustration and sadness.. I’m a a260lb woman of course I know sadness. I just don’t see any reason at all to try to take your own life– whether it be for attention (like my friend in high school) or sadness/desperation like so many others. Things always get better if you just let them.
I want to be there for her.. I just can’t make her problem my problem. I hope she finds peace and healing.
that’s all folks, I just needed to get this off my chest.
peace and love